The family is one of the key elements for the correct development of the child. There he will rehearse his later social behavior and his relationship with her will unleash many traits of his personality.
At present, the incorporation of women into working life, divorce or the increasingly common choice of having a single child are factors that have motivated new relationships.
Waiting for a little brother
Psychologists believe that the appropriate age for a child to have a baby brother is between two and three years. On the one hand, the major is no longer a baby (controls sphincters, walks perfectly …), but they do not take so many years to not share games, schedules and even room.
But all the firstborn are “dethroned princes” and all feel jealous of his little brother. From the attitude of the parents it will depend that the emotional shock that comes with the arrival of a brother becomes something temporary.
We do not have to give him the news too soon, but we should not wait for him alone. In any case, the parents are the ones who must give the news, never a neighbor, friend or family member.
Before I tell you that you are going to have a baby brother, prepare it:
- Showing interest and pleasure with babies.
- Reminding him that some of his friends already have a little brother.
- Discuss with him how much fun it would be to take care of a baby, to teach him new games …
The role of the father
At present, the parents collaborate in the care and education of the children, since in most families the mother also works outside the home, it is necessary to share the tasks.
For a small child it is very good to have more than one caretaker, that is, if the father bathes, changes or dresses, is helping to forge a much more open character.
For the experts, the father is the intermediary between the child and society and his role in the formation of the child is crucial: It helps him to be independent, as he brings another point of view to the mother-child binomial. It is responsible for offering him new stimuli: Throws him in the air, teaches him to do different things. It becomes a referent for the child in the face of behavior with others.
With his authority, he provides security for the child. Aid to the sexual identification: the men see in him the model to follow and the girls the man to like.
Even if your work hinders you, you should try to spend as much time as possible with your children. If you both work, it is essential that you dedicate time exclusively to them. For example, do not watch television during dinner to be able to speak, or spend the weekends to go out with them.
According to the latest surveys, children prefer to have fewer toys and have more parents at home. Participate in your games. If the game is shared is much more effective for development, so you must teach him to play but without trying to be governed by very strict rules.
If you are playing alone and do not interfere, participate only if you ask. It encourages outdoor exercises and games to help you release your extraordinary energy.
The father usually has more resistance to running, jumping or fighting than the mother. Teach him to ride a bike, jump or swing and applaud his achievements. Even it is not bad that you see that you can do the clown a little, a close and affectionate father is better than another authoritarian and cold.
Respect and know their tastes because participating in their hobbies will help your child to form their personality. Do not try to change their preferences, even if they do not match your own at all, and try not to despise their bad taste.
Do not hit him, educate your child with discipline, but not with violence. Many studies have shown that the effect of the lash lasts only a few hours, but if you see an authoritarian and inflexible attitude in the essential aspects will end up respecting you.
Answer your questions, it is important that the child does not perceive unwillingness or disinterest on your part to their many reasons, and although you do not know what to say, it is always better not to know because the rain is transparent than a why yes, showing disinterest For the question.
The only son
For years, it has been thought that the only children were petty tyrants, spoiled and capricious. Today we know that the character of these children depends very much on the education of the parents.
The problems of the only child are, children who only look in the mirror of the elders. By not having siblings their relationship with parents and the world of adults is narrower which makes them excessively mature for their age.
If the parents are very overprotective, they can become very withdrawn and shy; They may even have trouble integrating into groups. Unaccustomed to competing with a sibling, they may feel very helpless towards other children.
The advantages that logically have is that they receive more attention and relate to parents in an exclusive way, which gives them great security. They are usually very mature and intelligent children.
Contrary to expectations, they often share their things, because they do not have to defend them from the brothers. Psychologists recommend that, to compensate for the absence of siblings, these children must from very young, try to relate to other children their age.
The first child is the most desired but, on the other hand, the one who suffers from the inexperience of the parents. He shares many of the traits of the only children (they are for some time), but their character has to add a greater sense of responsibility, withdrawal and desire to satisfy adults.
They seem to take life more seriously than their siblings, and sometimes take on the role of parents. That is why, perhaps, they are more likely to suffer from nervous problems and are less sociable than the second or the small.
The most important problem they have to deal with is jealousy. In these cases, the role of the parents will be essential for them to successfully overcome them. They should be flexible with them and not require more than they can give.
We should not give them more responsibility than they can assume: they are children, even if they are the oldest. They do not have to be how we want, nor like them the same as us, nor raise their brothers, who are our children.
The second child
They tend to be more independent, more sociable (they must gain parental attention) but they are also subject to continuous comparison with older siblings.
Psychologists claim that the world of the second is configured in a less rational way than that of the first-born. They received only the logical and coherent explanations of the adults, but the younger brothers are conditioned by the explanations of their brothers.
They often learn to speak later and their vocabulary is not as rich as that of older siblings. They often feel less important: they even inherit clothes and go out in fewer pictures, which is why they demand more demonstrations of affection from the parents.
With them we have to behave in a special way, giving them all possible attention. Making them understand that they are also unique and unrepeatable children.
The little ones have been spoiled and protected children, but they are also in many families the instrument of the older brothers to reach the parents (“tell dad to take us to the park, as you are the youngest sure he does not say no “).
Recent studies have shown that they are often the most independent and creative of the family and that the pampering they receive makes them, often, loving adults.
Fights between brothers:
- As long as they do not get their hands on it, it’s best to stand by and let them settle their accounts by themselves.
- Do not look for guilty or investigate who started first
- If they get hurt, stop the fight and make clear what the limits are: no punches
- Separate children for 5 or 10 minutes. Everyone should “reflect” on different rooms.
- If fights are very frequent, try to find out the cause. There may be a problem of jealousy and some of them need special attention.
The child and the grandparents
Grandparents are the most important family members for children, they are usually the most loved relatives after the parents. They act as the best replacement for parents when needed, and offer the child a new way of life that helps them grow and become more open.
In addition, they almost always have more time than the parents and can dedicate themselves to telling stories, playing or walking with their grandchildren.
The good things that grandparents bring:
- They provide safety for children, since their way of life is usually much quieter than that of parents.
- They become the cloth of tears of the grandchildren: they are not responsible for their education, so they can comfort and pamper them.
- They tell the child things of the past, which gives them a vision of continuity and a broader perspective.
- They can tell about the parents, and the children love to know how they were as a mom or dad as a child.
The bad things that grandparents bring:
- Excessive love can turn into an excess of pampering, especially if the standards of education set by the parents are not respected.
- They can overpower the upbringing of the grandchildren, thus preventing parents from assuming a responsibility that belongs to them.
- Relatively often, they compete with parents in the education of grandchildren and make decisions that are at odds with those of parents.
In any case, the grandparents play a fundamental role as an emotional support of the grandchildren. As long as they act in concert with the parents, their relationship will be beneficial to the children.
Visiting them, letting children be pampered and even allowing them some whimsy are recommendations that all psychologists support. Inculcating children’s respect and affection towards the elderly will be very beneficial for their future formation.
Divorce and Children
For parents, separation may or may not be a solution to their problems, but for children, it can become a break from the most important part of their life. The consequences are: fear of feeling unprotected, anxiety about uncertainty, feelings of guilt …
Almost 35 percent react to divorce with a normally untreated depression. In psychiatry, this picture is called grieving process and usually lasts about two years.
It begins with a stage of despair and rejection to the being that has gone, to go through a second phase in which is added to the sadness. Finally, the distance and the possibility of connecting to another loved one.
For a child of 1 or 2 years, the separation of his mother is usually catastrophic. Disappears the person who took care of satisfying their needs, their universe and the consequences can be: insomnia, uncontrolled crying and even refusal to eat.
In older children the effects of divorce usually translate into a regression towards already overcome stages: they return to pee, talk like a baby, they are sad …
The consequences are so important in children that many experts in family therapy advise an attempt to approach the couple before the divorce.
How to face a separation: We can do many things so that separation does not have serious consequences on children:
- Avoid violent confrontations in front of children.
- Do not influence the children against the couple.
- Explain to the child the causes of separation.
- Maintain the children’s lifestyle.
- Have the child see the parents, even if they do not live under the same roof.
- Tell him and show him that his parents, even if they are not together, want him above all else.
- Have the child relate to other parent figures such as uncles, grandparents or a new partner.
- We must understand the reactions that children have, however strange they may seem to us, and not force them to assume the fact with normality.
In general parents have many doubts about the evolution of an adopted child. However, if the child has been adopted as a baby, the development is usually very positive.
If the child is older, he may need the support of a psychologist to deal with the new situation. There is no ideal age to tell him that he is adopted. When the child asks, he is answered. No drama or long and complicated explanations.
The most suitable moments can be:
- When they ask about the origin of the babies.
- When you meet a pregnant woman.
- Some specialists consider it preferable to tell them before they start school and find out by other means.
- They never have to be a source of uneasiness for parents. If the news is said calmly there is no need to worry about its consequences.
The child has to perceive that his parents want him exactly as if it had been biological. What is more, he has to explain that he was a child especially wanted and, therefore, especially wanted.
When he is old enough to understand it he will be explained that many children are conceived by chance, without looking for them, and instead an adoption is something meditated and deliberately wanted and sought by the popes.